Life Lessons from an old dog.

As a single working gal this summer, I was running at my usual frenetic pace, not stopping my crazy work and social schedule to unpack the mountain of moving boxes stacked four levels high in my living room. After living there for 5 months, my apartment still did not have much  furniture except for a newly purchased dining room table, a large coffee table, and two dog beds. I was working long hours at day and ER veterinary practices in the city and surrounding suburbs and driving too many  hours though construction zones on way too little sleep. Initially I was organized in the move, but then began to forget where I had put important items. My faithful dog, Nikki, moved reluctantly into the new the place. She was happy to be with me but missed the large yard she claimed as her own at my sister's house.

Life and work was crazy, fun, exciting and about to teeter out of control. And I thought I was handling things well.

Life continued on this crazy pace until Nikki,  my 14 yr old dog, collapsed outside the ER in June as I was heading into the ER to work a Sunday day shift. I knew that Nikki was not exactly happy with the move to the apartment.  She hadn't been eating well for about a month and looked a little thinner. On the previous Friday, I accepted that something may be wrong and that may need some diagnostic tests.  In March,  she just had a complete blood test panel and urinalysis and all tests were completely normal.  Most older pets are finicky eaters. It really isn't a symptom of any specific disease, but it may indicate a health problem if the pet begins to lose weight or has other symptoms.  In hindsight, she was sleeping a bit more the last two weeks and slowing down on our daily walks.   

Nikki had been sick before with the several common dog illness including Lyme disease, pancreatitis, and cystitis,or urinary tract infections. However, now I could see it in her eyes that this time she was not going to recover. More diagnostic tests were done and she was diagnosed with liver cancer, that caused ascites (fluid in her abdomen) that was the cause of her inappetence. Surgery was suggested but it not more curative and  I did not believe that she would recover from it. 

My sweet old dog was dying of cancer and  did not have a lot of time left.  Acupuncture and herbal treatments would only make her more comfortable and possible stimulate her appetite.  She had to be assisted to walk with a dog sling. She had to be carefully lifted into the truck to go to work with me everyday. She was mentally present and happy to spend time with me. However, I knew the end of our time together was near. I wanted to spend as much of the time we had left together.  So I cleared my schedule. I canceled social dates. I canceled work dates. I didn't schedule any more relief shifts. Thank you to all the veterinary clinics that understood and replaced me on my shifts. Thank you to all the veterinary colleagues that worked an ER or surgery shift for me. I  stayed with Nikki all day and all night. I slowed down my frenetic pace. I spent evenings sorting though those storage boxes in the living room.  I was overjoyed to find pictures of Nikki and me together in previous years.  I tended to my sick girl and enjoyed some quality time with her. It was still not enough time. Now she was a dying dog.  I wished that I could turn back the clock to spend one last day with her when she was healthy. Soon, she was too weak to walk anymore and the life was gone in her eyes. She was humanely helped to cross over the rainbow bridge one morning at home. I had her privately cremated and have her ashes with me now.  

Since her death,  I have committed to bring more balance to my life. I stopped scheduling double relief shifts.  I only work at practices that adhere to state of the art medicine and surgery guidelines. I turn down weekend overnight ER shifts to have weekends free to enjoy life by socializing with friends, going to church, and  reading the Sunday paper. I bought a mountain bike and  enjoyed riding in on the local bike paths. I attended a veterinary conference in Chicago and carved out some personal time to see several famous tourist attractions while downtown. Life is now slower, calmer, and more enjoyable.

I miss my sweet dog and wish she could be with me to enjoy my new balanced lifestyle. It was heartbreaking to lose her so soon to a devastation illness. I thought she would be with me for a few more years.  However, I am grateful for the life lesson she taught me before she left. Nikki, Thank you so much for the joy you have given me by sharing your life with me. Until we meet again.